I never realized one of the hardest things about settling my mental health situation. It was the impact on others. After choosing to make mental health my top priority, I knew I hurt many people. My actions and words caused damage. Sometimes, it was unforgivable. This caused them to act in ways they regretted or avoid me because of my behavior. After the dust has settled, it became clear that you hurt people. You did this without explaining or taking responsibility for your actions. I have had to live with that reality, and it hurt me too.

Being mentally lucid this year has been hard too. I have had to deal with harder things. I also see the things that I have done when I was younger and unwell. I put myself in difficult situations. I caused hurt, fear, and concern by making many pointless and destructive decisions. I only discovered that I needed to return to my original ways because when I deviated, destruction ensued. The hurt often came without the opportunity to come clean, rectify the situation, and make things right. That was when I realized the impact of my actions. I had unknowingly hurt those I cared about, and I recognized it too late.

Sometimes the hurt, concern, feelings, and damage that you bring to others can be difficult to accept. Those who really care about and love you find it particularly hard. This has been one of the hardest things for me to accept. It was a big part of why I stopped doing what I was doing. I made things right with myself. Some people have seen the improvement I made. However, others whom I missed so much were not there to see it. Their absence hurt me too. I felt that I was part of the reason why they avoided me, even though I was not certain. What was once enjoyed by them was driven away by me.

You can feel so good about yourself. That is the hard part and stigma about things like Bipolar Disorder and others. You don’t even know the hurt you are causing in the process. Sometimes it is too late when you realize it. You feel hurt because you know your actions are affecting you. They are also making others scared and concerned about crashing out. Others worry about having a consequential outcome. It took seeing that I no longer wanted or needed to hurt others. There were easy and proven solutions that kept it in remission. I realized it was about being real. I no longer wanted others to worry or feel concerned about me. I started to earn the trust that I once had by doing what I said I was doing. I knew that others saw the signs more than I did.

I can no longer sulk and wallow about what was. Once I became mentally grounded, I realized that caring more about my mental health was crucial. This was important not only to me but also to others. I expect that I can be trusted and be the example that others know I can be.