A Journal Entry

Fighting with Time

Being autistic and living on your own you are always fighting with Time.

Filling in time with activity.

Looking at how much time you have in the day.

How long before you have to resume your routine.

It’s all relative.

But what about having to fill the time with something to do ?

I know I have to always be busy.

Keep my mind engaged.

For there’s no other way it is well to be.

If I let my mind to its own devices, intrusive and irrational thoughts will enter my headspace.

Telling me about how sorry I need to be for not getting the attention I think I want and need.

Telling me that I need to give up on fighting the fight and the progress I’ve made in my life.

In my right mind I know these things are untrue.

But not focusing on something causes me to fall into the trap of selfish thinking.

Thinking that nothing positive happens in my life and I want to think of all these bad slang words to call myself that aren’t true.

I have so much to be thankful for and proud to have accomplished in my life.

I can be the best I can if I allow myself to be my best.

I know what I need to do.

Get out of that negative energy and focus on all the positive vibes in my life that I do well.

If I do that, things go easier and like a breeze.

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