Over the years, I have reacted to things. Often, I received responses that were unwelcome and unwanted. Sometimes, they were even inappropriate. I eventually realized that reacting does not help when we are frustrated. Later, a situation developed, and I did not get the reaction I wanted. This realization taught me that we can’t expect others to promise us the world. I later discovered that reacting negatively to a situation reflects badly on me. It makes me seem childish and inappropriate. I have learned the skills and tools to handle stressful situations.

For far too long everyone gave in to what I wanted in life. They did this to prevent me from having a full-blown meltdown. This happened when I was on the cusp of reacting worse than I should have. Over time, I realized that reacting negatively was not how I wanted to portray myself. It was not who I truly had the capacity to be. Others that I didn’t want to see me act that way were puzzled. This was a big driver in wanting to be more private in my reactions. I mostly focused on understanding the things that my body doesn’t need during sensitive moments. I do not have the faculties to be the person I know I can be during such times.

Ultimately, I understood that I wanted people to sympathize with me. I wished they would do things my way because I was unwilling to bend. I was incapable of accepting what reality was going to be. I wanted them to have pity on me and do whatever I wanted. Either they would give in. Otherwise, I would go back and forth with them. I tried to match the highest energy in the room. When that did not happen I just had to accept the things that eventually happened. I often think about the things that I would have said to evoke their pity. For a time, I felt bitterness and anger. Nevertheless, the issue worked out better than if it had stayed the same. Now, it is simply what it is because that is how the process works.

I learned in a stress and anxiety training class this year that reacting doesn’t help. I have known this for a very long time. Having it reaffirmed to me in that way makes things easier for me to accept. I know that reacting to get someone’s energy flowing isn’t helpful. Provoking a reaction to make them feel bad is not the answer. It doesn’t relieve my stress or any other feeling, for that matter.

Throughout the past few years, I wanted things to be what they were as a way of payback. It was my retaliation for the way I felt the hard feelings. I did not see that it is not worth doing things that way anymore. What was done is not going to be done in the way that it was done. This brings on added unwanted stress and misery. I just don’t need to have that in my life. I have begun to let the past go. I have also let go of reacting to things in a negative manner. Such reactions only invite the same or worse. This behavior is just unhealthy and unwanted.