For most of my life, I have been wanting to fix problems that I sometimes had no business fixing. I had often seen them as being out of control or out of place. I thought I had to solve them out of fear that they would not be fixed. Life has evolved in the last few years. I have begun to see that I need to focus on myself and my needs.

The past used to be so different. I was led to believe that I had power and control. I shouldn’t have had the ability to do those things. But I am beginning to accept where my places are in the echelons. I understand what is acceptable for me to do and not do. It is also realizing that things are better solved by those who are responsible. They are there to solve them because that is what they are meant to do. Over the past few years, many changes have taken place. I am also accepting that I am overseen. I am given tasks and orders that I am not to be insubordinate to. I had to learn that I must follow the rules. I must do this just as much as anyone else on my level. I am no different.

Allowing myself the time to focus on myself was hard for me to accept. Understanding what I had to do and what was needed to be done was also challenging. It was also hard for me to accept that I had my responsibilities. I had to respect the authority of others. What they said was final, and there was no room for whining or complaining. The childish behavior that I once had was no longer accepted. I had become a middle-aged man. I learned many skills in the process. This was not deserving of the autism card. People ordering me to do things knew I had the ability to do what was asked. It was part of what I was there for.

Yes, sometimes things are hard to do. Anxiety can interfere with my confidence in accomplishing tasks. Still, I know when something is wrong. I need to speak up in the right way. I realized that those providing a service were there to support me. They wanted me to succeed. I understood that stepping out of my comfort zone was necessary to achieve success. The dynamic behind what was happening didn’t matter. What mattered was that I was in a role. It meant focusing on what I had to do. As long as my needs were met and I was safe, that was what mattered overall.

I had to understand and accept that what happened in the past was history. I realized that things change, sometimes for the better. Accepting change can be difficult. Nonetheless, it is a necessary step to reach my goals. I need to recognize the tasks I must finish. I also have the ability to talk to trusted individuals when issues arise. By doing so, I can work through problems and find a healthy compromise if needed.