Often many autistic people live in fear of asking or telling someone how they feel. They are often ashamed or feel embarrassed. They can fear being judged for what they are thinking or what they did. Sometimes it’s hard to put ourselves out there. But, we do feel better when we get what we are feeling off our chest. Additionally, being informed about what we need to know helps us avoid living in total fear. It prevents us from always assuming the worst can happen.

When we are asked to do something that is out of the norm, it can be challenging. If the demand is vague in description, we lack clarity on how it will continue. We don’t know who it involves or the intent behind it. This uncertainty can cause anxiety for autistic people like me who rely on predictability. It feels like something really bad is going to happen. We constantly think about avoiding the situation. We focus on how to work away these thoughts. We are often unable and sometimes unwilling to see that there isn’t just one way to continue. There can be multiple ways things can go, some good and some bad. If we have a draining question or concern, it is best to just ask. Especially if someone who knows the individual well can explain things in a way we understand. Sometimes, the shorter the explanation, the better.

This way of working to find the answers that you want to have isn’t always possible. Still, knowing that asking your questions can give reassurance. Explaining why you are feeling the way you do can help you let go of worries. This can prevent things from brewing into worse problems. Granted, if it is not instantly possible, focus on actions that help you get through it. It is better than fighting or avoiding something out of fear.

Sometimes those that can help us solve problems do not know what or how something can make us feel. They are unaware that things can make us feel in ways that are hurtful and bring us down. Be brave and ask the question you need answered. Even if they know you experience anxiety, explain that you want to know because of how it makes you feel. This is why it’s a good idea to educate individuals on their feelings and emotions. They can understand how to match emotions to feelings. This way, it works out better.

It took me some time to express the things that were bothering me. This was despite having it explained to me many times when I was growing up. I was encouraged to tell others I trusted and had a connection with. Later when I had known that acting out physically was no longer valid or acceptable, I often held it in. Sometimes, I expressed it in ways that hurt those who loved or cared for me the most. We often stated the invalid intent without taking the time to use our words, feelings, and emotions. This made it hard to communicate how we feel about things. I haven’t totally gotten over this barrier. Still, I am getting better at it. Now I am seeing the results that happen when I do what is best instead of what I have done.