Over the past several years, I let the negativity of past events control my thoughts and feelings. This affected both myself and others. It made me irritable and unaware that I needed to choose to rephrase those thoughts. I should have restructured them into happier ones instead of letting the cycle of negative thinking repeat in my mind.

The issues that caused me to believe in past thoughts were gone. Still, these thoughts still had the potential to ruin several days in a row. They allowed me to keep worrying about things that were not mine to worry about anymore. Instead of focusing on what I had in my life and becoming happier, I got stuck. The situation I was fighting in my mind was no more. What was happening was a much better and more enjoyable thing. Yet, having these thoughts did not allow me to see that.

When my mind was clear, things I believed were in limbo were no longer. I had to count my blessings. I realized I was more willing to handle the situation better than in the past. I enjoyed it. I was allowed to focus mostly on caring for myself. I had other things that I needed at a time when I needed them. Seeing that, along with using other coping mechanisms, gave me confidence. I began to learn other skills. These skills allowed me to understand that I was safe. I recognized that my needs were met. I realized that everything was going to be fine.

I had learned to stop paying attention to the thoughts I had long focused on. Instead, I turned my attention to thoughts and feelings that made me feel better. I used healthy coping skills to get through the hard times when these thoughts were prone to happen. I had to remind myself that they were not true. Life is better now. I am safe, and my needs are met. I knew I had to stop believing the thoughts that were no longer healthy. They weren’t even mine. Still, I was easily led to believe them and energized by them. I took them for what they were. They stuck with me for a long time.

They often appeared as delayed echolalia. That brought me down. I allowed it to overtake what I was feeling at times. I chose to sleep the pain away instead of seeing that there was a need to do things. I should have thought about the things that had brought me joy. I had eventually learned that I had to choose to do those things. I needed to think about the things that made me happy. The coping skills helped me find those things. Now, those thoughts have begun to wane.

It is often said that we do and feel what we do because we are miserable with ourselves. In the light that others saw, I allowed myself to be happy. I knew I let go of what was. I realized I had the ability to do the same in my personal life too. I chose to let go of the past hurt that is no more. I chose happiness over being miserable all the time because no one, including myself, deserves it.