For most of my life, I have been the negative one. I have called out things for what they did not had the power to be or what was wrong. I put myself and sometimes others down in my mind. I did this without believing or thinking what if something is what it is for a reason. What if it can go right? What if it turns out to be beneficial if I give it a chance? What if it actually becomes a positive outcome? I need to give it a chance to work out as it is.

Some things have been better for me. For example, the day services transitioned transportation. They moved from handling it themselves to being part of the county shared-ride paratransit service. Beginning this calendar year, it and many other programs became eligible under the state’s Medical Assistance Transportation Program, or MATP. Maybe it happening was a way of things working out to be what would have happened anyway. While my anxiety wanted to believe everything that had the power to happen, mostly it has been a good experience. While there is the occasional setback, I do adapt and bounce back quite well from them.

Sometimes, things in life can bring me down because of autism or other factors I have. They make me believe that things won’t be good for reasons X, Y, and Z. I often don’t allow myself to believe things can actually go right. Anxiety drives this belief and wants things to stay as they are. Yet, it’s important to understand there is power in believing good things can happen. This is just like the positive changes seen in how I transport myself.

So often my brain is stuck in Negative Nancy mode. I keep thinking about what can go wrong with something. I believe something can’t be done because it will cause anxiety and fear. I worry that something bad or even the worst thing can happen. I don’t think that things will be fine, or that they will actually work out. So much time is wasted in negative mode. I’m stuck in a belief that things won’t work because they didn’t work before. They also didn’t work because they weren’t desirable in the past.

Sometimes, it takes understanding that overthinking is not important. Instead, I should focus on the things that bring me down. I need to move past what I allow myself to dwell on. I must learn to live my life without focusing on all the negative things. Instead of thinking about what can go wrong, I should start believing in what can go right. I also need to learn to let things go as they come. Learning to adapt to things can be difficult for autistic people, me included. It continues to get better after four decades. Still, there can still be moments that set me back.

Understanding that it’s not all about what can go wrong is important. I must see the potential in what can be done. If I allow myself to believe in this potential, I can work on rephrasing and restructuring my brain. This will let me see that things are fine. I am safe, and I will get through this, just like the many other things in my life.