Throughout my six years of living on my own, one of my struggles is that I want to escape at times from what can sometimes be too much. But when I do, I get into a negative habit of oversleeping and that can set up bad habits of missing important times when I need to do things to take care of myself. I have determined that the best thing for me is to just work at making it through the day, no matter what my personal intent for 2025 is.

It has been hard the past six years, and I am finally tired of living a life that though I have seen the deficits of my mental health care, that I long have been unwilling to adapt my needs to work with it instead of against it. It is that I long was angry with the way things were, then I accepted that they were a necessity but was unwilling to pay attention to the cues of needing to do what was needed before understanding the hurt that I was causing to myself and others in the process of not being serious about adhering to my mental health regimen. Finally, I had to put my foot down and make better choices for myself because I had become frustrated with myself for the way I had been for far too long.

It is not that I never knew what to do, it was that I never honestly worked at filling the void of my time and learning how to make the most of my day by doing things that were beneficial to me because for most of my life, I had others with me to lean on for my personal entertainment or judgment without having to be responsible for my own decisions as far as being an adult that lived alone in the world.

The reality is that I have responsibility for many things as an adult. I do many things and need to be there for so many, on top of that I need to be responsible for the life I lead in my own personal world, so it does not interact or disrupt others. I guess the reality is that there has been so much when I was not my best that I worried if I was going to stir trouble and finally I realized that I wanted to live without that additional worry and move on with my life being a better person and the person that can indeed live his best life in the community. The person that so many people look up to as being able to rock this independent life like a rock star in my own way.

As much as I wanted to prove to myself and others that I didn’t need to have certain things in my life to survive, I was proved wrong time and time again and finally it came to a reality that I needed to do what was necessary and proven to work for me instead of believing something that was a constant hassle.

I plan to move forward this year with a better outlook on life because I am learning to make my mental health a priority and get things to where they need to be, including getting rid of old useless habits and working on better daily intents that are more useful and healthier for me.