In life, we are surrounded by temptation. It is always important to stand up for what you want to believe, even though it may not be what the world wants you to believe or if someone may convince you to believe something, if it is not what you know is the right thing to do, then it should be up to you to decide as to whether something is right or wrong for you.

For the past five years, there has been great doubt about where I stand as far as what I want to believe about some things. As an autistic adult that was fresh out on his own at the time, I wanted to have a connection partly out of boredom and partly out of not being well. As such, I was easily led to believe things about what I felt about myself that were not true.

By me believing the things that I believed about myself simply out of the ease of being liked as a human being, I was going down the wrong path, even as society evolved at the time and wanted me to think about believing a way about myself in a way that I know was not true. Yet, repeatedly I believed that I liked things even though they were not things I particularly believed or enjoyed in because I was led to believe that was the way that I thought about myself.

Along with believing the untruths of myself, I was living very much a double life for the past five years not being able to be at ease with what I know is right because it was not until I realized the reality of what I really needed to hear and not allow myself to believe what I had thought about believing just for feeling as what I would like or that even what was not what I honestly felt about anything because most of my life there was a reality of understanding what was the way that I always knew was right, but because I let myself become vulnerable to things just to feel wanted or a part of something, it was not what I honestly knew was true or that I aligned myself with even though I wanted to believe it but in my right heart I knew that it wasn’t really where I wanted to be.

I have closed the chapter of what I had long pretended to believe about myself that I truly know in my heart was not right or even moral and that I have forgiven myself for what I have done as I have with the other things in my past and learned to accept myself as who I honestly and truly am and not the one person that I had long believed in just in order to feel accepted within others. It and other ways for me to understand how to connect with myself and it is not the ways that I have done in the past five years. It is learning to let go of the things that I did and realize that I need to move forward by doing better things in my life that are more productive and can be better of myself.