This past weekend someone shared a mantra with me, “everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Going through the motions of last week I have realized that   It’s so true, it’s very much why I am where I am. I know I need to fight the fear so I can break free of what brings me down.

I continue to live the way I live in life because what I really want in life is held up by a huge wall of fear. Fear of what? Something not going the way it is supposed to be? Fear I cannot do it? Fear of doing something that you’ve never done or leaving the only thing you’ve known all your life? It’s all fearful. I won’t lie.

But when there is time to imagine what is possible beyond what is in your present comfort zone. The barriers that presently hold me from doing the things that I know once I work on closing on what I need to feel comfortable doing so I can get to the other side of fear and make it something that will become like second nature and eventually be something I didn’t know that I couldn’t live without.

It isn’t like I have any hardships in attaining this goal. I know it has been proven that I can do it. It is just that huge wall of fear that I need to combat to realize that will get me to everything that I want.

This past week, I have realized that living in the way that I am will continue to make me more miserable with stipulations that continue to burden my outlook on my life and not see the true potential that I have by crushing my fears once and for all by easing into something that has been proven that I am able to do, but have for the last three years have let my fear override the possibility of even entertaining the thought of working on advancing my life.

Granted, I may have not been in the best mindset at the time and I did have alot to do to improve my mental state in that effort of getting to where I am today I realize that if I want the potential that is possible, I must continue down this path while recognizing my need to focus my energy where it is needed to be so I can appropriately conquer my fears and move onto the next chapter in my life.

I won’t lie that change for anyone, especially autistic people such as myself is not easy, and I know transitioning into things that seem challenging are anxiety producing for sure, But I have realized that my outlook and dynamics on life will not change if I do not fight the fear and just do something that has been needed to be done for a while. 

I was working towards that but was slowly winding into a serious state of crisis when I had to leave my first home and then I was affected by the COVID-19 Pandemic two years ago. I now realize that I needed to go through some of those changes to have my life reset towards a better life that I must realize that can only get better only if I choose to improve it.

It reminds me of anything that I have initial anxiety with and my reluctance to change. It has started at the early age of four when I learned how to use the restroom on my own. Followed by numerous other life events in my journey, If I am destined for something to happen in my life, I am resilient and will make it happen. Now that I am in a mostly good place, I can realize my potential and see that there is life beyond where my present dynamic in my journey.

People in our life are put in front of us for a reason. I personally feel that I  have been blessed with some people in the past few years who have made me realize that there is more to life than what I think and I do not have to live in the same old pattern that I have been living in most of my adult life. I just like anyone else in this world have the potential to move on to things that I like and enjoy rather continue to live in a cycle of misery that is only within my own control to improve on.