It has been a long road of navigating self-discovery. I have been coming to an understanding of who I really am. I need to keep the balance of mental faculties to exist and do what I have to do. It was hard to find and accept that balance. I faced setbacks from a lack of understanding of my mental health conditions. In the end, I discovered who I really was. I identified my desires, wants, and needs. I put it all in a healthy balance to achieve my best.

There have been countless instances. I focused on seeking the things that I liked. Still, I did not understand that my conditions sometimes made it difficult. It was challenging to find the balance and need to keep everything in a healthy equilibrium. I sometimes learned the hard way. I realized that I needed to focus on caring for my mental health. While deep down I knew that, it was difficult to accept. Putting it into the action needed was hard. It was necessary to make me the true person I needed to be. Initially, when I did what I knew was right, I felt like I was missing out. I thought I was missing some of the things that made me the person I wanted to be. Eventually, I found balance. I accepted that who I was did not truly define what or who I identified with.

Ultimately, it was about returning to the person I was before. I started making pointless and destructive decisions. These decisions were ones I wrongly believed were part of becoming the person I truly wanted to be. In those final days of self-discovery, I found my personal joy. This joy is sustained if I cared for my mental health. Finding that balance was crucial. I realized that many people had also found their paths in this way. It was not in the ways I had initially believed. I found pleasure in large amounts, but it did not become obsessive. It was grounded within my personal boundaries. It was about consumption for what I truly needed it to be.

I eventually discovered something important. What I wanted and thought needed to be was not truly a definition of who I really was. It was not a definition of who I wanted to be. I eventually learned that I needed to be mentally balanced. I also wanted to quit fighting a long-standing fight. I had been angry for some time about doing what was needed. I felt I had to give things up to achieve the necessary mental balance. Over a year ago, I closed the chapter on the unhealthy trips I was taking. I understood that it did not have to be one thing or another. Instead, I needed the perfect balance. I understood that who I needed to be didn’t outweigh who I wanted to be. It also didn’t outweigh what I wanted to do in my life. It took finding how to put it all together and making it work for me.