The past few years have been hard. They involved navigating many changes to the way things are done. They also involved changes to how things exist. Some things have been blessings in their own disguises. However, accepting certain changes has been difficult. Understanding that my role is now what it is, and not what it was before, is challenging. It can be hard to accept that at times. Deep down, it is being what it truly should be. This keeps me mentally stable. I have begun to accept that some things I found hard to let go of will not come back. It requires having gratitude and accepting what is. I also understand that life is what it should be.

In some ironic way, it is counting my blessings for what is. It means understanding that change is rough. Change is sometimes hard and scary on us as autistic folks. It can bring unwanted anxiety when we know there doesn’t need to be. We must not let our emotions get in the way. Yet, there are times, places, and people with whom we can share those feelings. Sometimes the reality of change does not become clear until it can be hurtful. You are left to feel the truth of what is. Knowing that what you had been used to and expected to have in your life is never guaranteed.

I am grateful and blessed for the things I have that many autistic people might not have. It’s important to be my best self. I feel the hard parts of what is gone and what is. I learn to accept and embrace them. This process helps me become mature and grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone can be hard and can burn me out. I have realized that resting, recharging, and recovery are necessary. I should not be ashamed of needing them.

For far too long, I had been too naive. I expected what was in place would always be there. I believed there would be no need for adaptation. Initially, things seemed easy. Still, when change settled down, reality set in with new expectations. I was pushed slowly out of my comfort zone. It was known this was needed to show more of the person I can and need to be. I did not let my anxiety overtake me. I was led to fear and wanted to avoid things that be uncomfortable. But when I am my best self, I know I have what it takes to get what needs done.

I had to accept this hard truth. For many years, I was uncomfortable with things as they were. Expectations and reality were different. I knew I had what it took to accept and embrace reality. I realized that it wasn’t all about me or having my needs met in a place not designed for them. It was a fine line that had to be followed, accepted, and best kept where it needed to be.