I started to bring myself together. I was moving away from the old pointless and destructive self that I once was. Then, I began to see the joy come back that had gone away. I was glad to have this joy be a part of my life. It provided what I needed to get through things better. It was much better than what I allowed myself to think was good when it was not.

For once, being mentally well and grounded provided me the opportunity to do so many things. I was coherent with the things that brought me stability and joy. These were the things that used to be before things had not been well with me. The music and the videos became enjoyable again. I regained the ability to not be irritated. I get through things that used to be hard and put me on edge. It also allowed me to shift my focus away from bad eating habits. These habits were gradually making me worse. I was not willing to combat the issues with my mental health medication and weight gain.

I had always known that medication is essential for my mental health. I finally understood that it is a necessity early this year. Now, I know I have to tackle their side effects. These include wanting to eat and the weight gain that comes with it. But I didn’t tackle this issue for over two decades. As a result, my weight crept up over 220 pounds from when I started the medications over 25 years ago. Many wanted me to go for the quick solution. Yet, I attended a weight loss support group for nearly two decades. I learned countless tools and lessons there to fight the issues. It took bringing back the joy I had lost from years of neglect. I realized that having a goal was the key. Changes happen if I wanted them to. I achieve this by applying what I had been taught all along. This was more effective than seeking a quick fix.

It is knowing that it is a happy joy. It is different from the manic joy I experienced when I was not caring for myself. This happened for extended periods of time and was noticeable to others. It is knowing that the medication prescribed to me has its weight in gold. It lets me live the life I want. Still, I must also do my part in all dimensions of my personal wellness. I need to pursue the goals the medications help me achieve. This involves working through hard realities. Doing the hard work is necessary whether we like it or not. In the end, things do get better if we put in the necessary effort to make that a reality. Having the joy that was missed is a big step in making that easier.