I have always believed that I had to do what others have done. This was my way to feel wanted and accepted. It also led me to believe that certain medications were holding me back. I thought they kept me from doing things that were important. I also felt that I had to do everything I thought I would like to do. After many years of battling my mental health challenges, I came to a realization. It is OK to be just the person I am. I understand it’s okay to do what I need to do.

Believe it or not, autistic people crave and want connection. Sometimes that can mean that they cross moral or fine lines that they think they need to cross. For me specifically, I believed I had to do what others did. I felt that I had to do things that made me vulnerable or turned my moral compass. I wanted to belong or to feel good. But, as I aged and became more mentally stable, I began to understand who I am. I don’t have to push myself beyond the moral line to be liked or wanted. I know the right people like me for the right reasons.

I push myself to do something to feel wanted. I seek the attention of others when I can feel left out. I sometimes feel wanted. But there are often times I don’t see that value reciprocated. Sometimes people just aren’t my vibe. It is understandable that there are situations where boundaries must be respected. Moral lines should not be crossed. Otherwise, I can face consequences that I do not want. But in reality, I do not have to share all my personal business with the world. Especially the things that can be embarrassing or make me vulnerable to others. Of course, there are things that are absolutely not to be shared. We know it is best to keep some things to ourselves, both online and in real life.

There are social norms that are expected to exist in society. Still, there are also things we don’t have to do if we don’t want to. We don’t have to do them just because our peers are doing them. Sometimes pushing we to be a part of something others are involved in can be overwhelming. It can make others feel uncomfortable and be too much for anyone to bear. I learned what I truly wanted in life. I understood that I don’t have to put myself out there whenever I have the opportunity. I will only do so if it holds value for me. I don’t have to do something or interject at something just because it is there. There are things that we keep to ourselves, and that is just fine. In fact, it can keep us well. It helps us be the strong person we need to be. This way, we do not fall into things we know are not healthy for us.

I am at the point where I am going through my life as I want to. I know that I have to say no to things when I have the opportunity to do so. I must accept what that means and what is going to happen when I do so. I can live my life freely. I don’t need to do things to call attention to myself. I won’t seek attention just because the opportunity is there.