As an autistic person, it can be hard to understand what being a responsible adult is, especially when someone such as myself lives on my own. There is a reality that I have understood that there needs to be the ability to be able to conduct myself in the way that is expected of me and others to be when I am in the outside world. While it may not seem easy to be the person that I need to be, there is a reality that things could get scary if I do not do what is needed to care for myself in the ways I need to be responsible.

When I first moved out on my own over six years ago, I started not caring for my mental health in the way that I needed to. Things started getting more challenging and complex, even if I had not started to see what was happening. When my treatment team had been made aware of my behaviors that I should have not been experiencing, I would easily understand and try to get back on track, but eventually, I would once again for one reason or another fall back off the wagon of being well because I was angry about how much time had passed that I was sleeping or something silly. However, I have never really given things a chance to work themselves out and see that the feelings that I was initially experiencing would be dimmish within time of properly caring for myself.

Repeatedly I would not do what I needed to do to take care of myself. In the past year, I made some destructive decisions as it related to my medication regimen that were unbecoming of myself and that I was not the proudest or most responsible person because I was led to believe that they were not helping me, when in fact they were.

More recently, I realized why it is important to take my medication each and every day, no matter what and if things happen that prevent me from doing certain things, then I need to adhere to the plan that I created and take time out to care for me because I need to take care of my mental health and the fact that I may think that I need to be here or there comes secondary to what may be the issue at hand. ‘

I must realize that there is part of being an adult and living independently that must be done. My medication, while one of the simplest things that I can do for myself, can be one of the biggest tools in my mental health recovery in ensuring that I am able to do the things that I am required to do to live independently and live the best life possible. I deserve to be my best self instead of continuing to live in a life here and there and must be more protective of myself than when I am caring for myself.

I know I need the medication every day because there are times when I have reacted or been more animated at things than what I needed to and therefore, in order to properly regulate my mood, of which the medication is for, I can be able to be person that everyone expects me to be. I deserve to be that person and not continuously walk on eggshells for one reason or another.

Part of that is knowing when it is time for bed and calling it a night even when it may not seem like it is time to do so. I may want to deny the fact that I want sleep or that I can sleep some time off without my medicine, but all I have learned is that doing that only hurts me and makes me more susceptible to having a reactive or negative tone. Repeatedly, by me not being the person that I needed to be is when I have reacted to my worst or things have happened because I have not been able to control my emotions.

I can and must do better to work as a responsible adult because I have the skills, and I know that I can do anything that I put my mind to. I am the generous and kind person that I know that I can be if I work at being my best self and work at being who I know I can be the responsible person that I know I can be.