In the last few years, albeit not being the best mentally, I have been doing much better in many ways. Sometimes, I remind myself that my way of thinking has improved. Things in general are not as bad as they used to be. I once had crushing anxiety and believed there was no way out. Now, I accept what is for what it is and adapt my life to it. I am seeing that there is so much more to live for. It was never as bad as it seemed.

When my anxiety is bad, it is well known that I want to avoid things out of my control. I avoid things that have drastic changes because I am unwilling to adapt. I am reluctant to adapt to things that seem scary and challenging. I do not want to handle these things in the way that they must be done. A few years ago, I wanted to avoid everything. The way things had to be done was overwhelming. I struggled with some frustrating storms because I saw things in a perplexed way that wasn’t true. Even as there was an try to make things better, it just seemed down and out. I was unwilling to see past it. I couldn’t see into the reality that things were changing to make things better. I had to be willing to roll with those changes too.

I couldn’t see that things would be better if I had given them a chance. Initially, they were frustrating because I saw the past in a certain light and wanted to hold on to it. Still, as things started to become positive, it became easier for me to do what I needed to do. I became more willing to accept things as they were. I realized I didn’t have to be overly worried. I thought I had to do certain things out of fear. I feared something does not work out the way it would. I was fortunate during a time when things didn’t seem to work out. Eventually, it became a more secure way across the state for things to be granted. It no longer became the worry that it did before.

I hold myself more to my faith. I affirm it every day. I know that as hard as things were, I had the faith I needed. It got me through the hard times. God has never given me anything I couldn’t handle. During the times I doubted, I was at my worst. I thought I had to do things differently or escape from what had worked for so long. This was out of fear of doing something new or different. I remember saying some pretty hard things out of my anxiety. I wanted others to try to bend and do things my way without being patient. In the end, for the most part, they have worked out to be better. Sometimes, a door to something has closed, but waiting for the next opportunity often made things better for me.

But today, when things seem harder than they once were, I remind myself of past challenges. I have been through some trying times. I overcame them and the fears that surrounded them then. I am stronger and braver than I once was at handling the hard stuff. I will overcome this battle too.