Over the past year or so, I have always kept in mind that I am autistic and have special needs. I need to accept that I have my own needs. If those needs can be met or can be met on my own, then I should not disregard them. I should do what I need to do to help myself. I will not hold my own personal judgment. I will not feel shame for what I need to do to make my life what it is.

In the late 1990’s, autism diagnoses were scarce and misunderstood. There was a slow push towards awareness of autism. The condition and its many forms were starting to be seen as a spectrum disorder. What was not being made known is the need to be willing to accept challenges. Having the necessary education or tools was also important to help us navigate difficult situations. We often felt “less than” or “different.” Sometimes, we felt “not able” to do things that we were expected to do. We often had to fit into things that did not fit us. This happened without being accepted for who we are and our needs.

I also lived a life where if an opportunity was given to me, I was expected to do my best. I did not realize that it was acceptable to ask for help. I also didn’t realize I asked for the things I needed to make it a success. I had done things that broke barriers and set standards. It was not always easy to recognize that I often worked at solving things on my own. I did not seek assistance or openly communicate what I needed. This was due to fear of being retaliated against or not having a need accepted as valid. Sometimes it was hard to see that I myself was struggling. It would have felt better if I had what I needed to be successful.

Now it is slowly getting better at accepting that I can step out of the regimented routine. I can do what is needed to help me when I need to regulate my emotions. When I need to find a solution to something, I accept this. It is okay to do things that help me. These actions are acceptable as long as they are appropriate and healthy for me. It doesn’t matter how or when I need it, as long as it can be met. It doesn’t have to make a difference to anyone else or they have to understand it. I accept my autism for what it is. Sometimes, I need to do things that help me get through the hard things in life.

I continue to improve in working on my needs. This helps me achieve the best outcome in life. These improvements lead to success in the things I need to do. I also know that it is acceptable to be honest with those I need to inform. I should be upfront about what is going on when I have needs. Life can be too much sometimes. It is knowing that I am autistic and sometimes I am going to need help. I have needs that are not always known, understood, and recognized. Accepting that I have these needs to make my life the best it can be is what matters most.