Over the past several years, there have been moments where I have been disappointed with the way things were handled. Sometimes, I believed things should be a certain way. At other times, things in general were just a mess. Countless times, I have been anxious and overthinking things. These have overtaken my thoughts. At times, other factors have led me to act irrationally. Eventually, I practiced rational acceptance to get through things. I realized they were really small in the grand scheme. They seemed strong and intense in my mind before.

Radical acceptance is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill. It involves completely accepting reality as it is—in mind, body, and spirit. This acceptance helps remove suffering caused by resisting painful, unchangeable facts. It is not approval or passivity. Instead, it is a tool to stop fighting reality. This approach allows for emotional regulation. It also permits potential future change. It means fully accepting a situation. You acknowledge that it is what it is. This remains true even if it is not what you want. It prevents pain (inevitable) from turning into suffering (optional, caused by resistance). It does not mean approving of, liking, or resigning oneself to a negative situation. It does not mean you can’t take action to change things in the future. It is a skill Developed by Marsha Linehan within DBT to help manage intense emotions and crisis situations. It is used to cope with grief, loss, chronic illness, and other uncontrollable events.

Years ago, someone told me what is needed to exist in a world that doesn’t go our way. It is about accepting reality for what it is. It allows me to get through the things that I have to go through. While now temporary and wanted in many of my cases, it is what helps me. It gets me through some of the moments where I used to react. I used to call out others for their actions. Their actions did not align with how I believed things should be.

Granted when this was introduced, things were different and lasted longer as they do today. But it is a critical skill to master when facing temporary discomfort. You expect things to be the way you want them. By realizing this, you understand that sometimes thinking, ruminating or repeating things you once did are not useful. You figure out the reality of the situation and the solution you want. Yet, understand that sometimes things just don’t change as you want. It can’t always happen the way you want it to. It just be the small fly in the ointment. It doesn’t make or break me as it did in the past.

After processing what is going on in my mind, I realize that doing what I think just can’t happen. This radical acceptance allows me to accept things as they are. I no longer see them as things that need constant brewing and ruminating. I used to think these things need to happen because of my discomfort. I now recognize my unwillingness to be patient with things beyond my capacity.