Novrmber 13, 2022 - Three years from the day of a what I call a Nice Selfie in 2019, as I and the world was starting to crash.
A few weeks ago, I made the opportunity to do some of the things before things changed drastically in my life in 2020. It felt good in a way, but I do know that I need to continue to work on things and get back to where they should be from years ago,
Being an autistic adult and knowing that after you try something and realizing that you are not ready to make that change on a consistent basis is something that can be hard to digest. It makes you feel guilty because you are being selfish, but then seeing all the things that happened over the past few years and even in the past few weeks makes me realize that it is Ok to accept that everything doesn’t go exactly to plan or fall back into place.
Sometimes we don’t think before saying something. I have been guilty of doing so time and time again. Yet, I say statements that are many times simply not true, but are used as a way of wanting attention. Some of these statements can be very harming or hurtful to others and while they are meant, sometimes they cannot be retracted.
Many times, those who do not know my whole life story approach me and say “you are such a positive person.” I acknowledge that but in reality, fighting the ability to remain positive can indeed be very challenging for me.
Over the past weeks when being out and about, I have had to learn that regardless what someone ha cause me or what I personally feel about them, I musnt treat them differently because of that, I have to remember that they are just a person as much as I am and it doesn’t cost anything for me to be nice to them.
Lately, I have been on a journey of acceptance, discovery, and growth. It has been astonishing in the past few months how far I have grown into a man and discovering that what I am feeling and what I need to do to be well is possible and acceptable. I can no longer live in shame about what I have to do to stay well and be who I want to be.
With the “new” normal that we are experiencing and the return to what we want to consider a norm by standards, I have somewhat forgotten what working is and the overwhelming demand that is placed on my work now that we are returning to what is considered pre-pandemic levels. It can exhaust me to the point that I don’t realize that it is essential to self-regulate because if not I will dwell myself in a sense of negativity and not want to resume my normal activity.
As an autistic, being independent has its perks. You can in many cases do what you want, make your place your own, set your own schedule. Now, granted, not all autistics can live independently, but for the ones who earn the keys to independence this is the moment they have been waiting for. But, sometimes can come periods of boredom and loneliness, which can lead into depression.