Our mind can be our own worst enemy. For me, I have experienced decades of being told what I did wrong and the bad things I was, this in turn has lowered my self-esteem greatly, yet I am working on turning my thought patterns around.
Sometimes we don’t think before saying something. I have been guilty of doing so time and time again. Yet, I say statements that are many times simply not true, but are used as a way of wanting attention. Some of these statements can be very harming or hurtful to others and while they are meant, sometimes they cannot be retracted.
Many times, those who do not know my whole life story approach me and say “you are such a positive person.” I acknowledge that but in reality, fighting the ability to remain positive can indeed be very challenging for me.
With the “new” normal that we are experiencing and the return to what we want to consider a norm by standards, I have somewhat forgotten what working is and the overwhelming demand that is placed on my work now that we are returning to what is considered pre-pandemic levels. It can exhaust me to the point that I don’t realize that it is essential to self-regulate because if not I will dwell myself in a sense of negativity and not want to resume my normal activity.
In the three and a half decades in my life I have grown so much into a mature adult. I know that I need to ‘grow up’ as my therapist says because I haven’t dealt with the irrational fears and the brewing thoughts. The anger has been mostly subdued into a verbal form, but I know that there is room for improvement.