As an autistic person who spent a great deal of their adulthood living under the same roof as their parents, I was never able to have a sense of who I was without my parents having some involvement, however as I am spending time being independent, I am developing my own identity.
Today is Valentine’s Day and for me I see very little value to it. While I am not the one to shoot down the fact that there is no love in the world. In fact it can be a very enjoyable thing. As Valentine’s Day is more about romance, as I lately discovered myself, it is something that I just have never seen in myself.
It can be hard for me sometimes to see through the mind fog that I am doing well for all the challenges I face in my life.
When you enter life on your own, having freedom can either be good for you or bite you in the tail. Over the past four years, it spun me into rock bottom and I had to pick up the pieces. It also made me realize that I had to define who I was and how to take care of myself.
Despite the common belief of autistics, we are further challenged than our neurotypical peers.
For most of the 33 years of my life, I lived under my parents’ roof. As such I was often coddled because of my challenges in life. Oftentimes I followed suit in their choices they made for me. Now in my fourth year of independence, I am learning that I have to think and decide for myself what is necessary for me in my life, because I am the one that has to live with the choices I make.
Recently, I have been mostly in a bad spot. I have realized that I have spun into this pattern of self-sabotage of not wanting to reach out to those that reach out to me for friendship and support. I live in fear of many actions that I have experienced in past experiences and relationships that came mostly from toxic people, although not all people are that way, I automatically jump to that theory because of having many toxic relationships and having skewed thoughts.
With independence comes freedom. It can sometimes spiral out of control. However, you must realize that there are things that you must keep in your life even as you become independent because they are necessary for maintaining daily wellness.
In continuing this week’s blog of Independence-Dependence, I had several examples of why it is important to be thankful for the ability to live independently and have a place to call home. After losing my first home, I now realize how close I was to losing the opportunity of ever being independent for a long time.
As I continue to work on my overall wellness, I am beginning to realize that I am beginning to develop my own sense of assurance and maturity as far as being more comfortable making decisions on my own and not relying as much on the guidance of those I have sought for so long to base my decision for me. I am also realizing that despite the opinions of others, I am the one that has to be satisfied with making that decision.
When someone who experiences challenges decides to “leave the nest” of the home of their family and start a journey of independence, one need that should be addressed is how the person will fill the void of their free time.
Sometimes after we grow, we begin to learn. We begin to feel confident about making sound choices and becoming less dependent on relying on others to accept or oblige by our choices. After all, as long as our mentality is stable, we are adults, so we should be able to choose what we want to do without having to rely on the approval of others.
I am often told by those that support me in my journey to “give myself some grace.” For the longest time I continually bush it off mostly because I often think that I am no different when going through my journey.
As we know, autism is a spectrum disorder. We as autistics are unique in our very own ways, each and every one of us. No one can change that, nor should we be forced to do so. We as autistics, just as neurotypical human beings should have the freedom have the individuality that we so choose as long as our safety and well-being is kept in mind.
Dustin's Dynasty 