Novrmber 13, 2022 - Three years from the day of a what I call a Nice Selfie in 2019, as I and the world was starting to crash.
One of the common stereotypes of being autistic is the fact that we do not want a friend or have difficulty in maintaining friendships as we struggle socially. While that may be a factor with some autistics, that is not always the case, there is importance of having and being a friend to those both on the spectrum or neurotypicals, whether or not they have challenges or not, all friendships are valid.
For half of the past weekend, my anxiety was in overdrive, kicking into flight mode because I want to run from reality. It also hurts when you realize how someone really was that you thought was there for you, but in the same turn they did quite the opposite. That’s what making connections as an… Continue reading Weekly Reset
One of the traits of my being autistic is being socially awkward. While I have come a long way in understanding the social nuances of the world, there’s times of connecting with others that has caused a regression of wanting to extend myself out again with the feeling of being hurt or rejected for who I am, although in many cases, I am assured that is not the case and I am accepted for who I am.
Last week, as part of many of my mental health services, I had to undergo my assessment as part of re-establishing goals for the services I receive. In one assessment, one of the questions that frequently appeared was what was identified as ‘natural supports’. Until some years ago, I lacked this in many ways. In fact, it takes courage sometimes as an autistic person to seek out someone to be a natural support and be able to maintain that contact.
As I am maturing in life, I am learning that life can’t be all about what I want and that there are others, including those that help me do things that I need to consider their needs and feelings and not be as self-centered on my own personal needs and intentions as that can seem selfish.
Over the past weeks when being out and about, I have had to learn that regardless what someone ha cause me or what I personally feel about them, I musnt treat them differently because of that, I have to remember that they are just a person as much as I am and it doesn’t cost anything for me to be nice to them.
As I continue down the journey of my personal self-discovery. One of the things that has helped me refrain myself from the process is the ability to make connections with others with similar challenges so the world that I was living in didn’t seem so small although it was physically, it made me be more of a friend that I ever have been.
Vlogs from the past week.
This Christmas has been one of the better Christmases for me. It made me feel better that there are people out there that actually care about me. Yet, in weeks past, I had become too self-centered and accepting that I didn’t make the choice to do my share and be a friend when people reach out to me. You see, to have a friend isn’t just about getting what you want, it is also giving what you have to them too, that is what makes it a true friendship.
In last week’s adulting blog, I discussed being independent and having the ability to make your own choices and own them without feeling invalid. This week, while accepting more boundaries for myself made me understand that I, along with anyone else autistic or neurotypical, have rights for themselves. One of the struggles that I see in many autistics, including myself, is that of consent.
For many in the autism community, we want someone to be our friend. Sometimes, I have been told that it takes us the person ourselves to be a friend to someone else. It is difficult for many people with autism to do and can become very taxing at times to have a return effect. All we want sometimes is for someone to be there for us, however after investing a lot of energy it can seem difficult when little energy by the other party is given.
While people with autism are oftentimes known as introverted, backwards or shy, many of want the same things neurotypical people have in their lives, friendships and yes, possibly a relationship.
Change in autistics is a known challenge, I oftentimes mask what I am feeling and then vent it out to someone that I consider it my safe person. But when someone who wants to be there for me says don’t be in a negative attitude and that they care so much that I can’t push them away because they show that they care.
Having friends outside of family in the past few years has taught me to set my own boundaries in what I share, how I respond to others, standing up for my personal needs and values along with respecting myself.
Yesterday, I had an epiphany. While I WANT to adult, I HAVE to put forth the effort to want and need the changes and the responsibilities of being an adult. For the majority of my adulthood, I have shied away from issues in life because they may require me to put my “big boy pants” on and fight them. Oftentimes, for me, anxiety is a big player in the game of adulting that really isn’t a game, because I just revert back to my immature self and refuse to deal with the issues at hand, because I personally know they are going to be unpleasant and scary for me to tackle.
Discussing the importance of healthy friendships while controlling Autistic Burnout
https://youtu.be/zAw918RxTJM What is Autistic Burnout? a guide from Autism Women's Network Signs: • Lack of motivation (hard to care about goals when everyday life is overwhelming)• Loss of executive functioning abilities (decision-making, organization, etc.)• Difficulty with self-care• Easier to reach overload or meltdown• Loss of speech, selective mutism• Lethargy, exhaustion• Illness, digestive issues• Memory loss•… Continue reading Autistic Burnout Educational Video