Recently in browsing my social media accounts, I came across an autism mom blogger that shared a graphic of a quote that states that autism doesn’t come with a manual, rather it come with a parent who never gives up, While I may haven’t always seen eye to eye with what my parents thought I should have done, they have always sought out my best interests while making sure I was remaining safe.
The latter part of that quote that a autism parent doesn’t give up, that is exactly what both of my parents don’t do, they don’t give up. Even as they are both retired, they continue to support me in every way they can. Sometimes as I strive for independence and am in my mid-thirties, I am constantly nagged to spend time with my parents, specifically my mother. I have learned in conversations with others in the past few weeks that I am her world and that she many times puts her needs before mine to see that I am satisfied.
However, the treatment I have given both my parents in the past decades can never make due to the manner in which I have treated them. While the physical abuse for the majority that I was giving has been controlled, it is very often that I am verbally abusive to both my parents, nor do I show the respect that I need to show them because they are both in their golden years and I should be helping them rather than being a burden to them. With all my faults in the world, I should count my blessings as well as stop and smell the roses that I have two loving and caring parents as many do not have that luxury, given my age and my ability for them to let me do the things I do along with be there to support me in whatever I may need to have completed. Instead of making an honest attempt to be a good son and respect their property and things they request, I do nothing but bash or abuse it. This is the Asperger’s traits in me, and while it is no excuse, I know I have to prevent from causing further damages to the psyche of my parents who I just expect them to take care of me at their service.
I have to realize that they are getting up in years and that they both wont be here forever. I have had many reality checks in this lately. There are many times I don’t want to join my parents for things because I want to be my selfish self and not take into consideration that they ask me to be a part of what they are doing or want me to do for a reason. It isn’t because they have a plan or a deal of sorts to abuse me like I want to think It is that they want the best life possible for me and that they probably worry more than parents as neurotypicals as many parents of children with autism and other disabilities do. I am very fortunate to have had the ability if need to be truly independent that there wouldn’t be as much worry if that would have to be the case. I know I have spent a great deal of my life not being kind to my parents because I was not using the skills and properly processing what needed to be processed in my brain before acting on that. That was a huge lesson that I learned and while it is getting better there are times, specifically when I visit them that I feel the way that I did before becoming independent. I know it is wrong and that I need to be a help rather than a burden to them.
Recently, my parents did a favor for me by dropping off some things at my house and it took some time but I had helped and my dad had said to me that he didn’t want anything but he wanted me to respect and be kind to my mom. This kind of tugged at my heart strings for a minute because deep down I know that I haven’t been kind to her but when she asks me to join her in things when I want to easily back down because I am selfish or lazy, she knows it is better for me to do it and that she honestly cares about my well-being and that she is stern for a reason for me to go with her. I realize that I shouldn’t verbally abuse her for trying to do something nice such as take me for a walk because I just don’t feel that I don’t need to. Yes, I may have rights, but I also need someone to be my buddy and support me in my journey that I travel because she knows me more than anyone else does in my life.
All those years ago when I was exhibiting seriously inappropriate behaviors, she could have went to the children and youth services and signed me away. Instead, she made sure that I was safe while seeking out a facility that could provide secure care to meet my needs. I resented her for a long time in my adult years because I thought she was pushing me away but in reality she was trying what she knew best to do to make sure that I was safe and got the care I needed to return to her life. It almost separate my parents in the process, but they never broke up and had a mutual ground to see I had the best life possible, as they continue to do today. I need to cherish them the rest of their lives.