This week on the wellness forefront to say the least has been challenging. It has been a struggle to get to the trail and once hitting the trail I want to play the blame game on my mother just because she is so generous to come to my house, pick me up and walk alongside me for three miles most days for three months. Yesterday, I feel as if she was nearing her boiling point with my negative self-talk, something that is constantly brewing in my life that shows its true colors when I am with her and more so when having to exert energy.
The last few days we have been walking in the morning hours to beat the heat as it has been oppressive the past week. Even if we go just after daybreak, it indeed was challenging. There are times I wonder “why don’t I just not do this anymore?” or I play that blame game for my mother doing her good deed for the day by bringing me out of my home and trying to see me do my best, however I just put myself and her down the three mile trip by having a negative cloud over my head the entire time.
Yesterday weren’t the greatest days we had when walking in some time, which I am not accustomed to. It had rained the night before; it was humid and it rained off and on during the journey. Being equipped with unfiltered negative self-talk that was mostly directed at my mother didn’t help much either. Near the turnaround point, she just said, “If you continue with the negative comments, I won’t bring you anymore.” For the moment that spoke to me because in a way I do enjoy hitting the trail. While it was an unpleasant morning, I really wasn’t making the best of the situation by making it all gloom and doom.
As we headed back, I recalled the times specific to when I couldn’t even make it to the shopping center just down the road from my house much of the time or the supercenter without being in pain or out of breath. My mother, who has been my number one support all my life takes a lot of complaints from me and especially when she is trying to do things that she thinks we both will enjoy such as walking. I realize that she doesn’t have to include me in her walks that she has to do to better herself. She also doesn’t have to go to weight loss group on Mondays, that is something that we like to do and we encourage each other there.
Speaking of that, this week after being gone for two weeks because of the Memorial Day holiday, my weight remained the same on their scale. I was discouraged for a bit, but then remembered that last meeting two weeks prior that I didn’t gain for eight weeks in a row, rather I lost 21 pounds and as such was honored there this week for losing almost 10 pounds in May by being Mr. Inspiration (the best loser of the month.) That should be an accomplishment along with the fact that I didn’t gain any weight over the holiday. While if my name was pulled for the loser can (if you lose weight that week, you get the money) I didn’t win, and the person who’s name was drawn wasn’t eligible either, so the jackpot continues to grow, so I should be encouraged to keep losing weight. I certainly need to.
So, I got up the next morning, which was yesterday and did all my venting for that walk and at the end a trail maintenance crew was working at the trailhead and the president of the organization asked me if I had a good walk, I said yes I sure did . So I should be grateful that I at my weight can walk over three miles a day, yes it may be hard. Then I saw a quote from my weight loss support group leader that posted on our Facebook Page, It said:
“Remember that guy that gave up?Anomoyus
Neither does anyone else”
That, my followers is the reason that I keep going, I need to be there for you and I know that those close to me will support me in my journey.