Well, it’s been an exciting week to say the least. In a little of a week-and a half time, I had an interview for housing, toured an apartment, took a weekend to think about it, signed a lease, got the furniture and household items ready and made the move in a single day. I couldn’t think of a turnaround from two chapters ago to this new chapter in such a short time (five months) But, the powers put things in happening for a good reason.
Things in this new chapter are looking good in perspective. Easier access to things, like public transportation for example. The unit is more suited for me and easier to clean and keep clean. I have worked on my issues like collecting, the lack or cleanliness, my self-care, my medication regimen, and many other things. In five short months, I have set a goal to work on what I need to work on a tackled it head-on with valency.
I honestly can’t say it was easy to get to the big day. Anxiety played a big role in apprehension on making this decision. But my therapist reminded me that this is a lifetime commitment in making things better and that I will be happier in the end, and I am feeling that already. This is evidenced in things like making decisions in curtains and food for example. Thankfully, I have my parents to help me just in the event that I honestly don’t know what is good for me. For the most part I do make the right decision, but I do sincerely value their input (although it may not seem so.
Being independent is not for everyone, and that is OK. But for me it is. I need to get out and be independent. I 95% of the time can think sensibly and independently when medicated properly, therefore being independent is a win-win. I don’t have difficulty in paying things like rent and I know what is needed for my home most of the time. Without a doubt I can be a success in the community given the right situation.
Granted there was things wrong with the last independent venture, some of them were my doing and I accept that I always didn’t put on thinking cap and think the most brilliantly. In fact, I got to the point that I was very unwell, yet I couldn’t tell a difference, however when looking at it in hindsight, I see all the warning signs that I know not to take in this new chapter.
I too have to realize that my parents are getting older, especially my father, and I know I need to protect the integrity in our relationship. In the last independent chapter, I realized if I distanced myself, I seemed to get along with him at a better level, and while in the last chapter, we both improved that relationship together in some parts to a degree. I still wasn’t always the kindest person I needed t be. You could tell he wasn’t in the greatest of health as he and a friend was moving me today, I could see firsthand the decline in his health as he was nearing the end of our move and how I need to be easier with him as I rebuild my life in this chapter.
I feel also that Coronavirus has played a part of this with prepping me that I do not need to eat out every day and that here’s great food for me right here at home. Thanks for the SNAP maximum benefit application to help me get the extra things that I need to in order to get by during these trying times, it does help people, along with food pantries and drive up situations that I have attended thus far. If anything, it has taught me that I need to ground myself more and be more attentive to the issues in the home.
Regardless, I am pleasantly pleased with the way things are going so far in this chapter, the new digs are well suited for me. And while it isn’t complete, 90% of things are prepared and I am in the new situation.