A Reflection on bettering myself

Again, I want to apologize for not completing my typed articles in a timely fashion this week. A lot has been going on and it is mainly to do with several commitments of adulting. Please be assured that I still want to dedicate time to my blog and social media channels as I believe that it is a good outlet for me to express myself.

With that being said, learning about myself and what I need to do as far as the adulting category in my life has been a paramount thing that I feel that I need to take action on to better myself. I am slowly realizing that I need to be more of an adult and not be trapped in the 5-year-old vacuum that I have been in during this current chapter. My parents aren’t going to be around forever to fix my messes and while I have siblings, the majority of them are not totally connected or live distanced from my hometown.

I can see the benefits of doing things that are essential for myself to thrive well such as taking a shower regularly, opening my mail on a daily basis and reading my periodicals in a timely fashion. Keeping and sticking to a budget is key in this process as well. Being regimented helps in this effort, my therapist has been working on me ironing down a routine for I can honestly say I have been doing well with. I wish I had the drive to do this sooner. Part of that is remembering to take my medicine and charge devices regularly, both struggles. I am proud to say that I am several weeks have not missed a dose of medicine and am starting to feel better. Getting started is the hardest part, but overall, I feel mentally well and am not in the state I was when I wasn’t medicating prior.

Preparing for the next chapter, my parents and I discussed the importance of medicating on a consistent basis. She also reminded me of the monster that she still had a backlog of medicine when I came back. I am now glad that I have been routine that I don’t have that backlog and the medication now in a rhythm to where it can be filled at the same interval. My therapist also reminds me of the phone calls she received from my supervisors at both my day program and work of them expressing their sincere concern for my well-being. They saw the monster. I never want to be there again.

Tomorrow at the day program, I have been asked to present about the combination of medication and working on the job. I remember those days, they weren’t pleasant. I am still amazed I have a job, but when I am well, I can excel well at my job. I can be a very concentrated worker and everyone enjoys my company when I am well. Sometimes when in my work and in my day program, I can now notice when others when they are not well, and it makes me realize how disappointing I was to those individuals that at one time looked up to me. The person who had a long-term employment, his own place, a college graduate, the one who was a outstanding achiever of the affiliate agency not once but three times, the “leader in recovery” award winner for my county by the managed care organization, after being nominated twice before. I was showing a dark and dangerous side to my life that could had me lose the grace that I had and end up in a really bad place.

 I often hear of those places, you have limited money for personal effects each month, going to work is limited, you have to hold on to your personal effects for dear life. If you act out they just increase and add you medication to the point you are a zombie so that those that care for your needs don’t have to put up with whatever garbage you are giving them that day.  When I am in a sound mind, I know this is the world I want avoid, along with the rare possibility of being in the criminal justice system, something that happens far too often in the autism community.

What I do know is that each day is a new day and we can only grow and get better from it. Take time, read the newspaper, the mail, and the magazines. Clean yourself and your habitat so it is fit for yourself, Take time to get rid of any stressors in your life so that you can be well, and most of all follow your routine and keep consistent with any regimens that are crucial to your mental health and well being.

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