I have shared from time to time of how I struggle with my parents parenting style. Although it is hypercritical, I have to realize that they only act that way out of sincere concern and care for my health, safety and wellbeing.
Regardless of what I think of them, it sometimes hurts my feelings when others that know them tell me that they are such great people. Now I never denied that they have good sides to them, in fact when I am in a good thinking state of mind and they are doing things that I enjoy doing with them, we get along great and usually the negative issues don’t exhibit themselves, and that Is what people see from time to time is that, the good.
I should be excited to hear great things about my parents and how they are great people. But, in a way it makes me upset. It could be the trauma of all the years in doctor after doctor (contributing to my longtime fear of them) and multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, the residential placement, the wilderness “camp”. All signs of abandonment that many do not know about. I am slowly in the forgiving process of that but the majority of those events were twenty years or more ago, so I’ve been holding grudges for a long time. But slowly, I realize that things could have been way worse if the county behavioral health office and managed care got their way because they, like my parents didn’t know what I was experiencing.
It was a time when Asperger’s was fresh out of the textbooks, there was a lot of unknown and we were perceived as less than capable of doing many things. There was also the sensory piece that was not discovered at the time, among other things. All the social communities were uneducated and me with this fresh diagnosis was being attempted to fit a mold where I could not fit anywhere. Too smart for intellectual/ developmental and too risky for the bad kids, so in many of those situations, I was placed with the “bad” kids, the polar opposite of what I was. Little was known as to what worked for me, get better and move to the next thing.
I spent a lot of my teen years away from my parents, not that there’s totally anything wrong with that. Since moving back here again in my adult life some twenty years later, I have sadly regressed some back to that younger person who wants things my way all the time and I have difficulty accepting when I don’t get my way. As such I pout in my bedroom like a little kid until I get the attention I want. Honestly, I don’t want to be like that, not at all. But I get so mad at my parents and forget to realize that I am too an adult and need to act like it, but something has been triggering how their acquaintances speak so well about them and yet I only see their hypercritical parenting style and not see if I would just simply comply with their requests and accept their denials not see it as a bad thing, rather see it as they are trying to interact and help me partly for the time they lost, but also improve my wellbeing.
After complying with my parents wishes and getting a flu shot today at the doctor, of which the doctor and her staff said nothing but excellent things about my parents. Upon exiting the office and getting in my fathers truck I could see past his denial to take me to get sweet tea that he wanted to get home and get lunch and do what he wanted to do. I should have been glad I had great parents. In fact, the other half took me for a lab draw earlier in the day and stopped so I could by here and I McDonalds before she had to report for work.
Instead, I came home, went to my room like a small child, pouted and eventually fell asleep for almost two hours, pouted again and argued with my mother a bit, retreated to my room until she offered to go to the local park and walk, followed by a trip to the local supercenter. After that, she offered if I wanted something fresh to eat, she would stop so I could get that. Being out and exercising with her made me feel so much better about myself, and it was good to have adult like conversation with her as well.
If I could only do this all the time instead of reacting to their hypercriticism and flying off the handle, maybe they would speak better to me. Furthermore, maybe if I responded appropriately like a 35-year-old or someone near that age, maybe I would be respected more by them. Honestly, when I am in my right mind, they are great parents and I should be thankful God blessed me with both of them and at their ages they are of such great health, I should honestly think more of respecting their wishes more and know that they too care about me.